A Purrloin, no taller than five feet, approaches you with a notebook and pen in hand. She wears a grin on her face, and asks for a quick interview with you. She says it's a "survey thing". You oblige, either by your choosing or by some mysterious force.1 :: Alright, let's start. Your name?
The classy liepard looks away from her partner down to a rather familiar purrloin. Esme chuckles and shakes her head. Of course this was going to happen sooner or later. Leaning against her husband, she answers the aspiring journalist's first question "Esmerelda Heikal".2 :: So, how long have you been here?
"Mm.. I'd say a little over a year, hon." 3 :: What brought you here to Steam in the first place?
She hesitates. "Let's just say that things weren't really working out for me, and this was my escape plan". Esme glances at her partner with a twinkle in her eyes continuing, "Knowing that Ammon and Kitten might've been here probably influenced my decision."4 :: Any thoughts on it so far? Expectations met? Hopes fulfilled?
"Ah," Esmerelda laughs. "I seriously thought this was a cult, when I first heard about it from Kitten's note. I'm not entirely sure what I expected. However I was pretty sure I'd find Ammon and Kitten here, and I'm glad that hope was fulfilled," she murmurs, nuzzling into the scruffy liepard's shoulder.5 :: Right. Now that you're here
and most likely trapped since Captain Jetty hates bringing people back, what do you intend to do?
"Well..." she starts off slowly with a smile. "Since coming to Steam I've stopped serving liquor, opened up a coffee shop, fought off armies, and married my best friend. I'm not entirely sure what's going to come next, but I intend to weather through it and keep on going."6 :: Speaking of bringing people back, where'd you come from anyway?
"Born and raised in Castelia City." She narrows her eyes at the interviewer, "I know you spied on me there every now and then, hon."7 :: Would you say you have a family? If so, are they with you here, or did you have to leave them behind? Would you mind telling why?
"Excluding my parents, I do have a sister going to law school in Black City. Kitten left with her boyfriend for Hoenn after an unfortunate incident happened involving one of her friends. However," she continued squeezing Ammon's hand. "I do have my partner with me here."8 :: I see. Have you met any people on the island yet? Made any friends?
"I meet a number of people that come into The Hideaway, but I've only really gotten to know a few of the regulars: Binah, Rory, and Cassius <s>Although he's not here with us anymore</s>.9 :: What do you think of the residents in general?
"They're a bunch of weirdos, but then again aren't we all in some sense? They may be a motley bunch, however when adversity strikes the island we all seem to band together and stick through it."10 :: Have you encountered any incidents on the island, if you haven't mentioned any before?
"There is so much crazy shit that goes down on this island. As soon as I arrived, the forsaken place was overrun with ghosts and all the islanders were fighting against a power-hungry villain and his spectral army. I was so done. Little did I know that was just a regular thing around here." Her expression grows solemn for a moment and she tightens her grip on Ammon. "There was an incident last year where a massive armaldo attacked Ammon, and.... I thought I was going to lose him. Thankfully there was a doctor on the island that was able to patch him up." 11 :: How many burning, falling flower pots have you encountered since your arrival?
"I can't say that I have encountered such a sight, but I wouldn't be surprised."12 :: U-huh. So how old are you, if you don't mind sharing?
Any people under the age of nineteen is eligible as a sacrifice to the chasm, just so you know.
"I turned 28 last year."13 :: What do you think of the mural on the wall of the radio station?
"Oh that," Esme chuckled. "It's definitely something. You really should talk to the barista about that."14 :: Let's say a Swirlix eats some cotton candy. Would you consider that cannibalism?
"What?" She narrows her eyes at Raquel, perplexed. "I.. suppose not, because the swirlix is not eating another swirlix." 15 :: What is your opinion on Steam's Roombas?
"They are very large and noisy."16 :: Imagine one day, you wake up to a tornado tearing through Cog Village. But it's not just any tornado. It's a tornado full of SharkAlomomolas, ready to have people for lunch! What do you do?
"Stay inside and wait for it to pass. Drink a lot of coffee. If it hits my apartment, fight."17 :: Do you know the muffin man, who lives on Cherry Lane?
He may have Noibat wings and some Ponyta legs but he's a pretty cool dude. His muffins are divine. You should try them.
"No, I do not. He sounds interesting though," she answers rolling her eyes.18 :: Are you in a romantic relationship? Or perhaps, interested in someone? If you are single and not in the aromantic spectrum, be wary of a young man. Meowth. Five feet and five inches tall. Has a goattee and tons of freckles. Tail tends to grab onto things without him knowing. Cheery demeanor. If approached, do not mention anything pertaining to your love life. This has been a public service announcement, thank you.
Esme grins and glances at her husband, who's looking at her mischievously. "What do you think, sug?"19 :: Random question, but throwing it out there anyway: what kind of music do you listen to, if any at all? You should tune into STMY FM.
"Oh I love music," she responds with a gleam in her eyes. "My favorite genres would have to be the blues, rock, or jazz. Good music to dance and swing to." 20 :: If you had to pick between wrestling with an Ursaring and hopping over a pit full of spikes, which of the two would you rather do?
"I'd take my chances jumping over the pit. I've got pretty long legs and a lithe body to make it."21 :: What do you think of our
old as balls Mayor, Cornelius?
"That poor, poor man. Bit of a stiff, but he seems to do his best to keep Cog Village running."22 :: This question's from a friend: have you found the closet to Narnia?
"No. Although I have heard about it, and it's a wardrobe, not a closet."23 :: If you could, would you change up your current sort of outfit, be it temporarily or permanently? Even an accessory change counts.
"I love changing up my clothes for the occasion unlike a certain someone I know," she says glaring at Ammon. "I love anything with bows, lace, ruffles, and black. However there are a few accessories that I wear pretty much every day: my wedding ring, choker, and this lovely winged ammonite fascinator Ammon made me."24 :: Do you think consuming large amounts of sweets and pastries every day would greatly shorten the life span of a young lady?
"Well it's always good to moderate accordingly, but I don't think it would greatly shorten her life span."25 :: Would you say you're talented in something, or in multiple things? If so, kindly list any of them down.
"Oh I'd say that I'm rather talented. My talents include, but are not limited to singing, dancing, focusing, speaking, subterfuge, and mixing drinks."26 :: What's your type?
I can't actually see much of you through my bangs. Please be a water type.
"Dark," she says regarding the purrloin with concern.27 :: And now, your moves?
Please have water type moves.
"Assist, Night Slash, Attract, and Covet."28 :: Indoors or outdoors?
Both are equally prone to combustion, I'm afraid.
"Both are pretty good. I enjoy being outdoors, but I prefer spending my time indoors drinking coffee and reading."29 :: Would you rather die by a random airplane crashing into you, or by using your private parts as Carvannah bait?
"....why would you even do the latter?"30 :: Name your favorite beverage, or beverages, if you can't pick one.
If you're another coffee addict there's a bunch of coffee shops like The Hideaway.
"Coffee. Black coffee. As owner of The Hideaway I am the queen of coffee addicts, and I'll greatly welcome any you send my way."31 :: If you were a spirit, what ghost type Pokémon would you be in the afterlife?
Just so we can make sure it's you, in case Amyntas returns or anything.
"I would probably be a sableye with emerald eyes--" she paused as her partner whispered something in her ear. "Pfft... please," she laughed. "This is a very serious discussion."32 :: What do you think of people hypnotizing others to do their bidding? If you're not the type who likes getting controlled, you might want to avoid any circuses that open at night.
"I think it really depends on the situation and what you mean by hypnotizing. It's something one needs to be really careful about and shouldn't be used just because. I don't really see too much of an issue, so long as the ends justify the means."33 :: Any regrets taking this interview so far?
"Yes," she sighs. "I didn't know it would be this long."34 :: Well, there's some more questions.
"Oh! Would you look at the time," Esme exclaims. "I really should be getting back to work."35 :: Encountered any of those faulty inventions that wander out of their workshops and cause trouble yet?
"Nope," she says breaking away from Ammon and heading back behind the counter.36 :: Should have asked this earlier, Arceus— right, favorite food or foods?
"I have a healthy appetite for ice cream and chocolate, although my partner claims otherwise."37 :: Would you say you look up to anyone?
"No, not really," she answers with a shrug. "However, my partner has my complete and total respect."38 :: How do you see yourself in five years?
She pauses and looks up from the mug she was drying. "I... really don't know, hon. I've never really looked that far ahead in my life. I try to go with the flow and live in the moment, but I'm pretty sure that five years from now I'll still be with Ammon."39 :: If you came face to face with a mischief god, what would you do?
"Claw his face for making me unable to drink coffee for an entire month," she grumbles.40 :: On a scale of ten to a million, how much would you rate the combustibility of fire hydrants on Steam?
"I really have no idea, hon."41 :: Do you own any fire extinguishers? If not, Town Hall hosts extinguisher giveaways every week.
"Seeing the turn of events last fall, I've been seriously considering getting a couple."42 :: What is the answer to everything?
"Ice cream," she says with a serious expression. "Ice cream solves everything. Having a bad day? Ice cream. Can't figure something out? Ice cream. Having an argument with a friend? Ice cream. Not sure what to eat? Ice cream."43 :: You ready for more questions?
"No," she states firmly giving Raquel a stern look. "You surpassed your limit about ten questions ago."44 :: Actually, it looks like we're done here! Thanks for answering, and please do refer more possible interviewees to me.
Esme smirks mischievously. "Binah! We have a customer needing some assistance."